a piece...

If you could see her one last time, what would you say?
I would tell her I love her. And I'll miss her. That we'd all miss her and that she shouldn't leave.
You wouldn't be mad at her? [Shakes her head]
Why should I be?
Aren't you mad at her?
No. I wish she could have talked with me about it, about what was going on in her life and in her mind. It's selfish, and unreasonable, of me to believe I could have been the person that could have changed her mind. It's insane of me to think that any one else could have or couldn't have.
What do you mean?
I mean, maybe there is someone who, if they had talked with her, could have gotten her through it. Then again, maybe there wasn't a someone who could have. Or that she wanted to. She was stubborn in her own way. Maybe she believed she was right.
Do you think she was?
It's not my place to judge her. Or go against her decision.
That's not the question though. Was she right?
No. It's selfish of me to say...
But it's how you truly feel, right?
Right.
What do you miss most about her?
Her kindness. And her smile. She had the biggest heart and a gentle soul.
I wish I could have met her.
The two of you would have gotten along well.

so...

I thought that instead of making a wish or goal to write on this more often, I'd just try for once every month. At least.

I feel really, really stupid being this excited about this, but I've been playing Suikoden V again recently. It's been a year and a half to two years ago since I've played it and I feel really silly for getting addicted to it again. I know that I should be doing something else with my time and there's more... rewarding (I think that's the right word) things I should be doing. But it makes me really happy to be playing it again and be fighting the addiction of it. I really need to get out more...

I've been feeling blah and lazy recently and I need to kick myself out of it. Part of me would rather be the overly stressed freak running down the street toothbrush in mouth bagel in one hand cream cheese in the other one shoe missing shirt half buttoned. Okay, maybe not, but sometimes I feel like if I showed the panic and stress a little more, than maybe people would understand that no my life is not perfect and I do not have all my sheep in a line.

I feel like there's all these questions that I should know the answer to and I don't. Like is it okay to wear the same clothes day after day if you only wear them after you come home from work and take a shower? Or should one get an education if all they do is fail at it? Is it cheaper in the long run to buy a newer used car with less miles that may or may not break down on you than to repair the older used car with more miles that has been reliable in the past? If money were to be spent on a certain career, would I be able to pay it back? Would shoveling piles of horse poo be more rewarding than shoveling papers or phone calls different places?

I want the answers but the more I pound on my head, the less they come. And that, my friend, sucks.

a little bit of story writing...

I am sorry for deceiving you. It was never my intention. I do not expect you to understand or to forgive me. I only ask that you not place all your anger on Mana. She had no idea that I had taken Ryuu's place and he mine until just recently. Since she became aware, Mana has been trying to get us to switch back. Since it was my idea to switch places in the first place, Ryuu felt it best to wait until I wanted to switch back. I will only say one more thing on the matter: starting tomorrow, we will make it impossible for us to be confused as the other. Excuse me.
Aika...
It's okay. Take care of it and I'll see you at home. See you tomorrow, Mana.
Bye. Why...
Aika is always protecting me, those we care about, and the people that those people care about. For now, it's best if we back up her story. I have something important I need to do before I go home. I'll see you tomorrow.
... Okay.

my nephew turned to me the other evening and stretched his arms out as wide as they would reach. "i love you this much," he said. and my heart melted just a little...

a breather...

I started the write about the drama of the horses at the stable I work at and then realized that it was making me really tired and I just wanted to post and get back to writing. I feel like all I've been doing is working and coming home to either read manga, watch anime, or write anime. It's a very contenting feeling (I don't really think contenting is a word) and a very exhausting feeling. Being sickish this last week has made the exhausting feeling even stronger.

Mason Ryuu
Mason Aimi
Izumi Keisuke
Izumi Mana (originally this was a green color, but because of my background I changed it)
Daishi or Deushi or Tatsuko or Tsutomu or Tsukawaki Kaede

These are the leads in the anime/manga that I'm working on. Advice for the last name of Kaede is welcome. I had a different last name for Kaede, but after after consulting a few people, I decided it would be better to change it. I haven't picked a final choice yet. The names are arranged in typical Japanese setting (last name first). The first two main characters have the last name of their American parent throughout most to all of the storyline. A couple of details below. Ashling, I've developed the characters more, however the story line from earlier I've decided against using.

Aimi and Ryuu are twins and have just turned 17. They were raised in America and Brazil, so they speak English, Japanese, and Portugese fluently. They have just returned to Japan and entered school. Kaede is Keisuke and Mana's cousin: both Kaede and Keisuke are 18 and Mana is 15. Kaede is student president at the school the three attend (Aimi and Ryuu enter this school). Keisuke is extremely protective of his younger sister and his cousin, and it is relatively common knowledge that he has feelings for his cousin and that Kaede is unaware of this. Mana is also the fiance of Ryuu.

Ashling, feel free to email me if you have questions or want more details about Aimi, Ryuu, Mana, Keisuke, Kaede, and/or the story. I don't want to post too much. :)

thoughts phase I...

In all likelihood, it will be a different scenario, but I wanted to record this one as well. The different colors represent different characters. Ashling, I may need to ask you for some help as I develop some of the characters for this.

Girls, say good-bye to Daddy.
Bye, Daddy!
Where are you going, Daddy?
Daddy's going on a big trip for work.
Daddy...
Ryuu, Daddy will be home in a few days. Then we can all go to the beach.
Yay! Beach!!
No!!
Ryuu...
Honey, you're spoiling her again.
Come on, Ryuu. Let's go play at the playground.
Playground!
I love you, Daddy. I love you.
Maybe I should stay. Ryuu's never been that upset and there was that time with the cat...
Honey, you're just as bad as she is. Now go before you miss the train.

thinking of you...

I'll always wonder why and regret not being there for you more. You could always make me smile and when you really smiled, you could light up a room. I'll miss that smile, your energy, and the kindness you showed everyone and the world. I'll miss you, my friend.

You had the best hugs. I loved that bored look you'd get, that "will you just hurry up and finish already". You always got the weirdest pictures of me, and videos, and we'd always end up laughing when we looked back at them.

Thanks for keeping my sun shining on the days that were gloomy, when the clouds got in the way. I hope you found the peace you deserve. And, I'll smile when I drive that way, knowing. Love you, honey.

-Mee

Elise Quinn Freeman

March 28th 1987 - April 22nd 2009