Here we go...

I know
We'll probably not meet again in this lifetime
I know
You'll probably not forgive me
I know
I'll never be able to explain myself to you
I know
I'll never forgive myself for what I did to you
The word "never"
Does not come easily for me
One doesn't know what the future holds
People are always changing and growing
I know if we do meet in the future
Even if you asked me
Were ready to listen and forgive
I wouldn't
Hurting you and letting you go from my life
Broke a piece of me
It took a long time for me to heal
To be all right
To discover the strength in myself
You had all along
Some things are just unforgivable
How I treated you
Someone important to me
Is unforgivable

I didn't finish it and no longer have the desire to. It's been too long since I've written on here, too long since I've longed to write. The feeling is so good and so good to have again. I think the time to finish is getting closer.

To You,

I was torn for a while about using the last name "Hayashi"; I no longer feel the hesitation and have used it for some of the main characters. Thank you for recommending it. I hope maybe one day to see the tattoo designs you come up with. I'll work on my end so that one day I'm able to see yours.

Virtual Burlesque - Somebody That I Used To Know - Gotye - Second Life D...

Dear you...

I want to tell you thank you
For making me feel special
Important
And cared for
You give me strength
Courage to trust people again
To be myself
You remind me what's important in life
The power of friendship
And the honesty people have with one another
You help me believe
And see
To love
Enjoy the simple things again
You give me a peace
And comfort
I've been searching for
A place to relax
Recover
Be relieved of daily stress and grime
Return to me
Your gentleness
Honesty
And patience heal the memories
Once too painful to bare
Making each day a little easier
You often say you don't know how you got so lucky
That sometimes you don't know why I stick around
I want to tell you
Whisper in your ear
I'm the lucky one
That what I get from you is so much more than I deserve
And I'm so grateful we found each other

crawl towards the light...

So...

I decided that I should start another project besides my one project because if all I focus on is that one project, my writer's block will get me stuck too much and I'll spend too much time looking at the screen of my computer instead of writing.  Because that's what I'm doing right now.

But...

I'm really scared to start on another project because if I get in a grove with that one, my current one may get shelfed (is that even a word?) and become another unfinished piece of writing I've started.

And...

That, folks, scares me more than anything.

Now I'm playing with fonts and paragraphs...

I really do have too much time on my hands...



starting point...

“Wait, Wayne,” I tug the back of my sneakers out from under my heels as I slipped into my shoes and grabbed a jean jacket.  I caught the screen door before it slammed and hurried after my younger brother.  “Maybe this isn’t such a good idea.”

“What are you talking about?  We’re just going to see Cara and Jacob.”  Cara.  My best friend until two years ago when the car her older brother, Dexter, was driving crashed into two people from our school before hitting a tree.  He was drunk with no injuries except a small cut on his chin.  The car totaled.  The two people, Brandon Wilson and Paula Taylor, dead.  Both were a little shy and quiet and maybe that’s why they got along so well.  They had been dating six weeks and he was walking her home from a movie.  It wasn’t even that late, only 7:30.  It was dark, but Paula was wearing a white jacket and blue jeans and Brandon had tan khakis, white reeboks, and jean jacket.  The street lights were on and they had looked both ways before starting across.  Dexter’s car suddenly skidded around the corner.  Someone who heard the whole thing said it was just like in the movies: the shriek of the tires, the rev of the engine, the high pitch scream of Paula (Brandon’s a little lower pitch), the thud of their bodies, and the crash of the car into the tree.  Cara and her family had moved out of town soon after that, but Cara’s younger brother, Jacob, needed special care for his autism and the commute was too much.  So they moved back into their old home, which they had never sold.  Which led us to today.

about you (my heart and soul)...

It's been almost a year
And I still want to wrap my arms around you
Feel your skin twitching under my cheek
Scold you as you turn
Teeth bared
Ears back
I miss itching your belly
Your upper lip stuck out
Scatching the air
My nails getting the bites
I miss your pissy attitude
Your gentle smell
How you stood when eating
I don't regret my decision
I remember how
Even with painkillers
You shook because the pain was so bad
The sweat that ran down you
That look in your eyes
And I knew
What you had tried to tell me
Only a few hours before
I'm sorry I made you hang on longer
Should have held on even at the end
You were the one I couldn't break my word for
Even though I let you down badly then
You gave me hope so many times
And a reason
You made me grow up
Accepted my flaws
Just demanded carrots
And a little skin
You'll always be special to me
My little flea bitten
Cosina

this time...

I'm working on character design again. I feel like I'm always in this stage. But this time I have Mollye's help and it kind of feels like that will make all the difference. I also feel stronger. I keep hoping the pen I'm using doesn't run out of ink. I would waste less paper if I penciled it; but, pen feels solider. Like I'm not just sketching, but actually making the character become real. Maybe it's just me. But pen and paper have some thing special. The cramps in my hand, pain in my fingers, worth every moment. As I start again...

Cheers!